To Botch or Not To Botch...

I was at my doctor's appointment today, and on the television in the waiting room, they had one of the Cinemax channels on and the movie, "Showdown In Little Tokyo" was playing. It's a shitty movie with Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee, and they're doing something that everyone thought was cool in 1991. I only remember one scene from the entire movie....in this scene there were many Japanese men sitting and eating sushi off of naked girls that are laying on what appeared to be buffet tables. I was 11 when I first saw this, but today, in the waiting room, staring at the television.....

The news was on.....

There are not going to play a movie that contained the fantasies of an 11 year old boy at my doctor's office. Instead, they kindly give us the news.....with a dash of fear. And today's top story....The Oklahoma Department of Corrections "botched" the execution of an inmate. Why stupid do you have to be to fuck up a legal, sanctioned execution? 

There's no blood spatter to worry about, and there's no body to hide or dismember and stuff in weighted suitcases, as to prevent them from surfacing in the Gulf of Mexico. I can't even imagine how stress-free a state execution must be. And if you caught??? Oh yeah....you can't get caught or get in trouble for "offing" Inmate Whoever, because this is your job that the State of Oklahoma is paying you to perform.

So no stress. Some media but who cares? There's no rush to hurry it up....and the executioner doesn't even have to worry about leaving trace evidence at the scene. Walk in the park!

In light of all of that, how could someone "botch" an execution? Many people are calling for the end of the death penalty altogether. I got a call from someone in Oklahoma today, asking me if I wanted to perform the "redo". If this had happened in California, I would already be on a plane, but I pass on grass and I pass on Oklahoma(and Texas).

What it comes down to is that we, as Americans, need a solution. We can't stand idly by and watch stupid people screw up something that is so easy. It reflects poorly on us as a nation, and I refuse to allow "botched" executions to jeopardize my freedom and put my liberty in jeopardy(a lot of jeopardy....I know). So here is what every American prison should do to avoid another "botch".

EXECUTION TRYOUTS

I had to tryout for my soccer team, so let's have our executioners tryout for the job. Within weeks and a few thousand dead people, America will have the finest executioners in the world. It's about damn time American the Great retake her rightful place at Number 1 in something(anything at this point).

God Bless America!