things get smaller as you get older

over the past few weeks, i've been doing some work at my old grade school (a website project), so i've had the opportunity to visit some of the classrooms and bathrooms, that i frequented as a child. for all you perverted, smart asses out there, the school is not in session, and there are no children there at this time (summer break and the joys and pain associated with that). i didn't want anyone thinking that i'm cruising schools full of children; i know where your gross, deranged minds are and i know the dirty thoughts that live inside your minds, so clarification was in order.

anywho, moving on....as i began to look at the various rooms of my old 'learning center', i started to play a film in my head, a film consisting of bits and pieces of memories of when i was a boy, attending this school. it was almost like a slideshow flashback; as i stood in the main building, i could see people, both teachers and fellow students, moving around me, as if it were happening in real life. the smell of achievement and the bad uniforms and the pressure of being the best of the best...it all flooded back into me, as if i had never left and had been stuck in the place for the last 20 years. but everything and everyone, there were so much smaller than they were before.

my memories were crystal clear, as if they had been shot in high definition, and the buildings and rooms therein had not been changed or altered in any way, shape, or form, but as i took in the sight, everything was smaller. and i wondered why....why was it smaller? was it because i had grown, or was it because the little boy, that i once was, percieved the world to be a much bigger place than it really was?

when i was young, i was awestruck at the magnitude of my surroundings, and maybe, even a little intimidated. but now, i see the same structures, and how little the world of my youth really is, and it makes sad. these towers and walls, that at one time, represented discipline and knowledge, have become small and inconsequential. the world has grown smaller and colder, and indeed, i miss, how great the eyes of my younger self, made my previous world appear to me.

midnight at 4 in the morning

where to start...it's 1:27 AM, and once again, i'm wide awake, as i often am at this time. it's seems like i'll never get another good night's sleep for the rest of my days; what have i done in a past life to be cursed with this bout of sleeplessness?

it started in march, when i was released back into the civilized world, a world that would throw me away if it could...a world that defines itself by empty law and rules, for which it only pretends to abide by...a world that would dispose of its old and its poor, as if they were crippled dogs. yes, i have reentered this world, this society of selfish, fat people and their morals, and i am sickened by the stench. but still, i cannot sleep.

i need a fucking cigarette...i'll shall return to rant a little more, before i make another feeble attempt at slumber.

my backyard smells like shit! it's called reclaimed water, which is a kind way of putting it...the city should be more forthright, and muster up the courage to call it what it is: HUMAN SHIT WATER. i like that better!!! but that cigarette was fucking delightful!

anywho, i haven't really said much here. perhaps, my future entries will consist of stories of my travels, or some crazed experience i had to endure, or some other encounter, human or animal. go0dnight and farewell...