I Just Don't Care

I've been working so hard at learning how to care, how to own my shit, how to truly examine all of my actions(right and wrong), how to feel, how to be human for the first time......at the age of 34. I've been trying to examine my flaws and the things that I fuck up, own them, take responsibility, and learn from my mistakes so I don't repeat them....time and again. When I'm wrong, there's no justification for my actions. My actions are mine, and mine alone. No one else is at fault, when I drop the ball. But why should I continue to do this? Justification is "in style", so fuck it! I do what I do...and I want what I want. If you don't like it, deal. Because I give up.

Justification Unacceptable

Enough said....

To Botch or Not To Botch...

I was at my doctor's appointment today, and on the television in the waiting room, they had one of the Cinemax channels on and the movie, "Showdown In Little Tokyo" was playing. It's a shitty movie with Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee, and they're doing something that everyone thought was cool in 1991. I only remember one scene from the entire movie....in this scene there were many Japanese men sitting and eating sushi off of naked girls that are laying on what appeared to be buffet tables. I was 11 when I first saw this, but today, in the waiting room, staring at the television.....

The news was on.....

There are not going to play a movie that contained the fantasies of an 11 year old boy at my doctor's office. Instead, they kindly give us the news.....with a dash of fear. And today's top story....The Oklahoma Department of Corrections "botched" the execution of an inmate. Why stupid do you have to be to fuck up a legal, sanctioned execution? 

There's no blood spatter to worry about, and there's no body to hide or dismember and stuff in weighted suitcases, as to prevent them from surfacing in the Gulf of Mexico. I can't even imagine how stress-free a state execution must be. And if you caught??? Oh yeah....you can't get caught or get in trouble for "offing" Inmate Whoever, because this is your job that the State of Oklahoma is paying you to perform.

So no stress. Some media but who cares? There's no rush to hurry it up....and the executioner doesn't even have to worry about leaving trace evidence at the scene. Walk in the park!

In light of all of that, how could someone "botch" an execution? Many people are calling for the end of the death penalty altogether. I got a call from someone in Oklahoma today, asking me if I wanted to perform the "redo". If this had happened in California, I would already be on a plane, but I pass on grass and I pass on Oklahoma(and Texas).

What it comes down to is that we, as Americans, need a solution. We can't stand idly by and watch stupid people screw up something that is so easy. It reflects poorly on us as a nation, and I refuse to allow "botched" executions to jeopardize my freedom and put my liberty in jeopardy(a lot of jeopardy....I know). So here is what every American prison should do to avoid another "botch".

EXECUTION TRYOUTS

I had to tryout for my soccer team, so let's have our executioners tryout for the job. Within weeks and a few thousand dead people, America will have the finest executioners in the world. It's about damn time American the Great retake her rightful place at Number 1 in something(anything at this point).

God Bless America!

Birth of a Blog

So I forgot that I had created this beauty of a blog.....

I have no idea why I called this blog, "miiahh's mindbox". However, I do remember that I was quite troubled in more ways than one, when I brought this blog into the world. The blog's mother(whatever her name was....come to think of it, she didn't survive the blog's birth. Dammit....what the hell was her name?) wanted a baby, but instead, she carried my blog in her womb for 9 months, 3 days, 7 hours....and there were some minutes and seconds also. The mother, who we will call M, came off as intelligent, well travelled, and was attractive 3 to 4 days a week. And then, like every skilled temptress who recons their semen donors, she said the magic words that rendered me helpless and hopeless(mad props to her on her thorough workup of my background).

She yelled out the best she could(forgive the ballgag), "I'm German!"

Long story short....I knocked her up IMMEDIATELY, hoping the next star of the Bayern Munich football club would burst out of her.

But....

I got this blog instead....and a ballgag to remember M by(come tomorrow, I won't even remember writing this post).

Life Is Hard But So Am I

I haven't posted anything recently, because I've had a lot going on in my life. And I really don't see the point of posting on this blog, because I only have one follower.

Update(5/1/2014): I sounded like such a bitch. "...I only have one follower." Feel sorry for me. Who the fuck was that weak, broken boy? Not me.

That was years ago. Here's something that should inspire you to do something rightfully mistaken. Wear gloves. Just gloves.

Eels - Novocaine for the Soul

Pirate Everything!

Microsoft, The Rolling Stones, and most every other person who produces digital media in one form or another is doing much better than you and I(at least, financially).

So buy the media that you love(for me, that would be Aphex Twin, NIN, and a few others) and rip the rest.

::Where's my fuckin' eye patch?::

things get smaller as you get older

over the past few weeks, i've been doing some work at my old grade school (a website project), so i've had the opportunity to visit some of the classrooms and bathrooms, that i frequented as a child. for all you perverted, smart asses out there, the school is not in session, and there are no children there at this time (summer break and the joys and pain associated with that). i didn't want anyone thinking that i'm cruising schools full of children; i know where your gross, deranged minds are and i know the dirty thoughts that live inside your minds, so clarification was in order.

anywho, moving on....as i began to look at the various rooms of my old 'learning center', i started to play a film in my head, a film consisting of bits and pieces of memories of when i was a boy, attending this school. it was almost like a slideshow flashback; as i stood in the main building, i could see people, both teachers and fellow students, moving around me, as if it were happening in real life. the smell of achievement and the bad uniforms and the pressure of being the best of the best...it all flooded back into me, as if i had never left and had been stuck in the place for the last 20 years. but everything and everyone, there were so much smaller than they were before.

my memories were crystal clear, as if they had been shot in high definition, and the buildings and rooms therein had not been changed or altered in any way, shape, or form, but as i took in the sight, everything was smaller. and i wondered why....why was it smaller? was it because i had grown, or was it because the little boy, that i once was, percieved the world to be a much bigger place than it really was?

when i was young, i was awestruck at the magnitude of my surroundings, and maybe, even a little intimidated. but now, i see the same structures, and how little the world of my youth really is, and it makes sad. these towers and walls, that at one time, represented discipline and knowledge, have become small and inconsequential. the world has grown smaller and colder, and indeed, i miss, how great the eyes of my younger self, made my previous world appear to me.